from my diary: To Escape:
2004-Nov
It’s one of those days when you wake up with a tornado playing with your heart pushing you to run. I fought myself by thoughts, I became angry & passionate.
I began to draw my lines, with tears popping from my unsettled eyes, my lost & confused eyes, without finding an exact reason. I had already drawn all the straight lines when I heard him, beating my inner flesh. With his beats__ I ran & ran, either I became invisible or the world had. The sound of my breath was a sound of anger, my eyes where wet, despite the dry currents of air... Till I reached a ramp, and after loosing more information than my eyes might loose, I fell on my knees & wept. I had fear & I wanted to get over it, & that was the reason of my following standing. I saw a dark staircase & I went up watching the process of shadow, three doors where in front of me so my head turned left & right then I got through one of them which lead to a narrow staircase.
I went up with a shaking body, and another sound had taken over my inner sound; there were humming which became clearer while rising. The first door I opened clarified the sound as it was from some machines inside the room & when I saw a jacket hanged there I continued my rising journey. Actually I couldn’t figure out how high am I reaching till I saw it “4th storey” & a door’s silhouette under the name of “Storage”, I got through it & Oh my God ! I am on the roof!!
Actually I found another way up! A spiral staircase & a ladder which reminded me of things, I went up & here I am being washed by the wind..
Through that position I saw a larger inclined area that I have got down to it through another staircase.
Down there yet so high, I was still shaking but astonished, engrossed & proud. I laid down on the tilted ground indulged with the rush of clouds, they were moving visibly. It was a time with no time; it was a cut... a black hole!
I got back then with constant steps, my eyes were widen, feeling nothing, seeing nothing & staring at the absolute air.
It’s one of those days when you wake up with a tornado playing with your heart pushing you to run. I fought myself by thoughts, I became angry & passionate.
I began to draw my lines, with tears popping from my unsettled eyes, my lost & confused eyes, without finding an exact reason. I had already drawn all the straight lines when I heard him, beating my inner flesh. With his beats__ I ran & ran, either I became invisible or the world had. The sound of my breath was a sound of anger, my eyes where wet, despite the dry currents of air... Till I reached a ramp, and after loosing more information than my eyes might loose, I fell on my knees & wept. I had fear & I wanted to get over it, & that was the reason of my following standing. I saw a dark staircase & I went up watching the process of shadow, three doors where in front of me so my head turned left & right then I got through one of them which lead to a narrow staircase.
I went up with a shaking body, and another sound had taken over my inner sound; there were humming which became clearer while rising. The first door I opened clarified the sound as it was from some machines inside the room & when I saw a jacket hanged there I continued my rising journey. Actually I couldn’t figure out how high am I reaching till I saw it “4th storey” & a door’s silhouette under the name of “Storage”, I got through it & Oh my God ! I am on the roof!!
Actually I found another way up! A spiral staircase & a ladder which reminded me of things, I went up & here I am being washed by the wind..
Through that position I saw a larger inclined area that I have got down to it through another staircase.
Down there yet so high, I was still shaking but astonished, engrossed & proud. I laid down on the tilted ground indulged with the rush of clouds, they were moving visibly. It was a time with no time; it was a cut... a black hole!
I got back then with constant steps, my eyes were widen, feeling nothing, seeing nothing & staring at the absolute air.
we always say we need a place to study, to play to read or to sit, but we never say this need of escaping to feel nothing. Well maybe the reason here is that a place you escape to is never known, you just find it or came by it. A place that allows dissolved senses. When being one’s self is no longer important, once we are attached to our real longing.
What was that place you escaped for?